Dogma

"The Catholic Church does not make mistakes!!"- Cardinal Glick

Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:00

Breakfast Club, all these stupid kids actually show up for detention. Fucking weird signs. Where this baby wants to take her gear off and get down, but oh no, she don't because it's a PG movie. And then Pretty in Pink, which I can't even watch with this tubby bitch anymore. Cause every time we get to the part where the redhead hooks over their dream guy, he starts sobbing like a little bitch with a skin knee and shit. And there's nothing worse than watching a fucking fat man weep.

SPEAKER_05 0:58

I am your host, Mick, and with me as always is my incredibly talented co-host, the Ayatollah rock and roller herself, Megan Abel. Together we are here for your morning commute, your afternoon jog, or if it's around three o'clock in the morning and you're unemployable due to an uncontrollable meth addiction, we don't judge, but we're still here for you during that little time in your life, too. Speaking of incredibly talented, my lovely wife Megan is back for this episode. And I have here in my notes to let the Megans have the mic. So you two figure it out amongst yourselves who goes first.

SPEAKER_12 1:32

Did he say let the Megans have the mic? No, I heard Megan's. Oh, and Megadeth's Megan. Sorry.

SPEAKER_11 1:39

Hey Mick and Megheads.

SPEAKER_05 1:42

Yes, yes. There are there are Megheads out there now. There's Megheads and there's Megheads. I'm sorry, Megheads, I had to give up some of you. You belong to Megan now.

SPEAKER_12 1:50

I'm sorry. Oh, which one? I don't know who to do which side to pick.

SPEAKER_11 1:58

There's no there's no sides to pick. Also, like always go with your husband.

SPEAKER_12 2:02

Oh, yeah, that's true. While you're married. While you're married. While I'm married. Yeah, so don't piss me off.

SPEAKER_05 2:08

There's no wrong, there's no wrong side here. I mean, you're yeah, you're good to go either way.

SPEAKER_11 2:12

Yeah, you can you can spread the love.

SPEAKER_12 2:14

I can just a cinematic mick freak.

SPEAKER_05 2:18

Really? You are? Yeah. Have you finished crash episode?

SPEAKER_12 2:21

Freak on a leash from the cinematic mick.

SPEAKER_05 2:23

Are you in the have you finished a crash episode yet? You haven't? Oh, okay. I'm sorry, guys. Some freak you are. My life. I've never heard of anyone taking uh two weeks to finish an hour and a half long episode.

SPEAKER_12 2:33

Listen, listen to me, okay? I started, I have like 20 minutes left. I love the episode. I just forget to turn it back on because I I'm into listening to music right now on my way home from work, into work. So I go through these phases. I can't blame it. Podcasts, music, podcasts.

SPEAKER_11 2:54

You got the majority of it. That's all that's a good thing.

SPEAKER_05 2:55

I've actually been listening to music a little bit more myself. And last podcast on the left.

SPEAKER_11 3:01

So they're very good.

SPEAKER_05 3:04

They're very funny.

SPEAKER_11 3:05

Little plug. I have been in a trap in EDM music. Do you like subtronics? Subtronics. Like, is that a group? I couldn't. It's like or a genre. EDM. It's just a group. Oh, I mean, they might be on my saved. I saved some songs, but like I don't do a deep dive into really who they are, except for just occasional things.

SPEAKER_12 3:26

I found them through this artist called Oliver Tree, who like just recently passed away. Um R A P. R.A.P. Yeah. Very tragic. It was a helicopter crash in Rio de Janeiro. Oh, that's awesome. Yeah, but he did a song called Fuck the Whole World, and it's with subtronics, and it's freaking amazing. I'll play it for you later. But it's good. I think you'd like it.

SPEAKER_05 3:49

All right. But the Ayatollah rock and roller here, she had some stuff she wanted to say.

SPEAKER_11 3:53

So I was just talking about it. It's happy to like I'm happy to be back because we were on a little bit of a hiatus, and I mean it's been over a month. Has it been a month?

SPEAKER_05 4:03

It has been a little over a month.

SPEAKER_11 4:04

I was thinking three weeks, but it's all right.

SPEAKER_05 4:06

These things they you know what they happen.

SPEAKER_11 4:08

No, I'm happy to be back. We'll have to figure out like budget for, you know, hey, we need some sponsors so I can take some gear on the road.

SPEAKER_05 4:18

Tell you what, I actually gotta say, I actually I mean, you know, if you're ever on the road again and you want to do an episode, he are you serious?

SPEAKER_12 4:27

He already started. You already started, guys. Of course. Either that or it's the Chick-fil-A that I can still smell.

SPEAKER_05 4:32

Co-fax. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_12 4:35

Stay over there.

SPEAKER_05 4:36

Yay. Fucking foul.

SPEAKER_12 4:38

I should get my um spray that absorbs odors in the air that I found on TikTok.

SPEAKER_11 4:45

We could also kill a shit monster, a shit demon with your odor spray. Yeah. Well, so go get it because that is coming out of Kofax's ass. I'm gonna get the spray. Be on guard.

SPEAKER_05 4:58

Please do.

SPEAKER_11 4:59

We need our defense system in here.

SPEAKER_05 5:01

Nor normally I do not condone someone getting up in the middle of the show by this.

SPEAKER_11 5:05

We talk about Kofax's farts way too much in this every single time.

SPEAKER_05 5:11

I've said it before I've said it before. When I had my setup down in the basement, he would do it down there. And now I'm up here. You'd think I'm up there.

SPEAKER_11 5:18

I'm just like, hey peeps, I'm here too.

SPEAKER_05 5:20

I'm upstairs.

SPEAKER_11 5:20

I'm up there. When is my introduction gonna be? Well, I think you just had it. Maybe we should well, maybe that is what it is. If we don't say anything, he says something with his ass.

SPEAKER_05 5:30

It's kind of hard to do a podcast when he comes in here and he does a fucking room clearer every single time. I need people to actually stay in the room to talk.

SPEAKER_11 5:38

I'm I am so ready for this movie talking about shit monsters uh coming out of Kofax's ass. I'm so ready for this movie. It's been a long time coming, I feel.

SPEAKER_05 5:49

I I still love this movie to this day. I really do. And it's and it's old. It's a it's a 27-year-old movie came out in 99. Yeah, yeah. So all right, you're back? I'm back. You kind of rocked the house on the microphone there as you were leaving.

SPEAKER_12 6:04

Oh, I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_05 6:05

That's all right.

SPEAKER_12 6:06

My bad. I'm gonna rock it now, getting closer.

SPEAKER_11 6:09

It was just sound effects to, you know, tell us the urgency of getting the spray.

SPEAKER_08 6:15

You could, guys, I'm gonna go. I'm gonna do it.

unknown 6:17

Yeah. All right.

SPEAKER_08 6:19

You can edit that out, right?

SPEAKER_05 6:21

No, I'm gonna leave it in. This is Megan, this is art.

SPEAKER_12 6:25

Rhymes with something else. Yeah.

SPEAKER_11 6:30

Hello, Kofax. Thanks for hanging around.

SPEAKER_12 6:32

Stop licking her legs. Stop licking her legs.

SPEAKER_05 6:34

All right.

SPEAKER_12 6:35

He's he's a freak.

SPEAKER_05 6:37

Megan, my actual co-host. Do you have anything else you want to add?

SPEAKER_11 6:40

No, no, let's get to it.

SPEAKER_05 6:42

Around the road with your son and three dogs.

SPEAKER_11 6:44

Oh, yeah, that was my vacation, but uh yeah.

SPEAKER_05 6:47

On a three dog night?

SPEAKER_11 6:48

Mm-hmm. No, it was ten days I was gone in Jacksonville, but it was two days to get there, two days to get back. Yeah. Sucked.

SPEAKER_02 6:56

There we go. Sucked. Stop it.

SPEAKER_12 6:58

It did, it did suck ass co facts.

SPEAKER_05 7:00

He's contributed enough.

SPEAKER_12 7:01

Did your husband get to join you down there at all?

SPEAKER_11 7:03

No. He wasn't about to come and fly for a weekend for like $700, $800 just to get there. That's crazy. Fuel prices are crazy. Yeah. But I have to say it was nice to like, I got gas for $339 in Georgia. Damn. It's like $4.30 here, isn't it?

SPEAKER_05 7:26

It's about anywhere from 80 cents to a butt cheaper.

SPEAKER_11 7:28

They had the Wolf Pack out as always in Georgia on the interstate. That's what my stepdad calls the police. Oh yeah. So the Wolf Pack was packing full. And yeah, so they give you good gas prices, but boy, they make you mosey through that damn state.

SPEAKER_05 7:43

I was saying, I think Ohio might be the same way. I don't know about the gas prices in Ohio, but I I think Ohio State Police, they don't mess around.

SPEAKER_11 7:51

I think is it Illinois and California are one of the highest in New York? Probably.

SPEAKER_12 8:03

Let's get to this trailer.

SPEAKER_05 8:04

Alright, yes. Please.

SPEAKER_12 8:06

Did you even introduce what we're actually talking about?

SPEAKER_11 8:08

Dogma.

SPEAKER_05 8:10

Talking about dogma. Did I? You know, that's a good point. I don't know if well, the title's out there.

SPEAKER_11 8:15

We were getting to the trailer and then I think we go through the cath, but you do you do you, Mick, in the order that you want to do it in.

SPEAKER_05 8:21

Yes. We are talking about dogma. Megan, thank you. What are you doing?

SPEAKER_12 8:27

I'm trying to move because I keep making my head out. This is your fault.

SPEAKER_07 8:31

Let's get to the trailer. I can spot a commandment breaker from a mile away. Right there. There's one. Excuse me. Are you married? What do you think? To her? No. Ladies and gentlemen. God has grown weary of your superficial faith. Hypocrites. Charlatans. He has abandoned you to the whim of judgment. Prepare to taste God's wrath. To taste the New Jersey, please.

SPEAKER_06 9:09

God's decreed that I'm to charge you with a holy crusade. Stop a couple of angels from re-entering heaven. We're going home. If they get in, they'll animate the world. Right. So how do I know you're an angel? As I was saying, you won't be alone. Angels, prophet, and all people. You gotta be kidding me.

SPEAKER_01 9:35

Between guys with wings.

SPEAKER_07 9:37

Outstanding work!

SPEAKER_01 9:39

Guys falling out of the sky. Stop! A guy trying like hell to kill me. I'm ready to kick back. Welcome to the end of existence.

SPEAKER_03 9:57

Holy f The whole of existence is in jeopardy right now. You're the one who's gonna help change that.

SPEAKER_00 10:12

Fill them pews, people! Hook 'em while they're young. Kinda like the tobacco industry. Christ, if only we had their numbers.

SPEAKER_05 10:24

Oh, the late great George Carlin. Alright, Dogma. RP. Dogma stars Ben Affleck, Matt uh Matt Damon, Linda Fiorentino, Alan Rickman, Jason Mews, Kevin Smith, Chris Rock, Salma Hayek, Jason Lee, and of course, the legendary late great George Carlin. It was released um, excuse me, November 12th, 1999. Fantastic year, by the way. And was written and directed by Kevin Smith. Before we go into the deep dive, you got your hand up, Megan? What's up?

SPEAKER_11 10:58

Oh, I was just saying how like this was such this was my crusade, my odyssey to like watch this film with trying to get, you know, you can't find it on a streaming service. And then, you know, you get DVD. We order it on DVD. Can't get a DVD player, buy the wrong DVD. My chickens got killed in the process. Not because of this movie, but I don't know. Maybe sacrificial lands or sacrificial chickens was.

SPEAKER_05 11:22

I don't know. Was that another play? Another plague?

SPEAKER_11 11:24

I don't know. A plague, maybe by the name of a fox or a coyote. Both. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 11:30

Maybe a weasel. I don't know.

SPEAKER_11 11:33

But yeah. They got waxed. Woke up to dead bodies, you know, three days. It was awesome. But it totally like finally getting to watch it made me uh flood back like the affection I have for this film. I love it so much. I like it.

SPEAKER_12 11:49

I was like, I have to be on this one. It was so good.

SPEAKER_11 11:52

I really wish Clint watched it with me. He started to, but then he had stuff he had to do, and I was like, That was yeah.

SPEAKER_05 11:59

I I you know the the fact that you were gonna let your four-year-old son. Oh no, you said Clinton, sorry. I thought you should say that. Oh Reagan.

SPEAKER_11 12:06

No, I put the I I put my son's tablet in front of him and I was like, play a game. Mommy needs to watch this movie. Don't watch this. But was he listening? Yeah, but no, headphones. Clint didn't watch it or my girl. Got this. He got a lot of reality TV.

SPEAKER_05 12:23

He got uh partially way through the movie and wasn't wasn't interested, huh?

SPEAKER_11 12:27

Oh uh no, just to begin. I mean, he just had stuff he had to do, like meetings he had to do and stuff.

SPEAKER_05 12:32

I understand.

SPEAKER_11 12:34

Couldn't stand.

SPEAKER_05 12:35

He's a very, very busy man. He's always on the move. All right. Dogma begins with an older gentleman played by Bud Corp, taking in the C air on the boardwalk in Asbury Park, New Jersey. At a time where he's most likely reflecting on memories of Maud. You'll catch that, catch that little reference there. He is then attacked by three teenagers on rollerblades and armed with hockey sticks. Reasoning behind this, of course, will be explained in due time. Megan, you got anything you want to add? Huh? Megan?

SPEAKER_12 13:08

No.

SPEAKER_05 13:09

Fascinating. We then cut to nearby, well, yeah, nearby St. Michael's Church, where Cardinal Glegg, played by George Carlin, is in the midst of launching his his Catholic Tyson moment there, launching his Catholicism Wow campaign, an effort to bring the Catholic faith a bit more into the mainstream and also to get people start attending church again. This is of course not limited to the retiring of the symbol of Jesus crucified and the unveiling of Buddy Christ. A much warmer symbol to remind everyone that in the words of Cardinal Glick, Christ didn't come to earth to give us the willies, came to help us out. He was a booster.

SPEAKER_11 13:50

Good old Buddy Christ with his wink and his two finger guns, as my husband calls them.

SPEAKER_05 13:54

Right over there, right by the zenith.

SPEAKER_11 13:56

Christ is your friend.

SPEAKER_05 13:57

He is he's right there, man.

SPEAKER_11 13:58

Yep, Mick got a buddy Jesus for the office. I kind of like it.

SPEAKER_09 14:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_11 14:04

Oh, I I guess not too. This is not an office. It's like one thumbs up and one pointing finger.

SPEAKER_05 14:08

That's the office over there. This is the studio.

SPEAKER_11 14:10

Oh, studio.

SPEAKER_05 14:11

This is where I create. Yes. I mean, yes. This is what's gonna help. This is what's gonna help me retire to the south of Italy and put Regans and uh Riggins in a private school.

SPEAKER_12 14:22

That's what's the right.

SPEAKER_05 14:23

That's what this is gonna do.

SPEAKER_12 14:24

Maybe she doesn't want her son in a private school. Maybe she's gonna be able to do that.

SPEAKER_07 14:29

Private school, no private school. I don't give a fuck. We're gonna get rich. Options.

SPEAKER_12 14:32

I feel I feel what you're putting out there, Mick.

SPEAKER_05 14:35

I'm putting up.

SPEAKER_12 14:36

Then I can buy all the designer handbags and shoes that I want.

SPEAKER_05 14:39

I never said that. You'll be on an allowance, which will be ample.

SPEAKER_12 14:44

We'll be $30 a week.

SPEAKER_05 14:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_12 14:46

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 14:48

Gotta keep you reined in, guys.

SPEAKER_12 14:49

I'll give me just enough edibles to get me through to the next week.

SPEAKER_05 14:54

Megan, what do you got? If you have anything.

SPEAKER_11 14:57

Oh, uh no. I mean, I'm just I I'm just excited about this movie. Okay. Also, like the the like rebranding of Catholicism.

unknown 15:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 15:10

Yeah, that was that was uh the rebranding of Jesus Christ. Even back then it was a little out there. I personally like the whole Buddy Christ thing. I think a lot of people out there would probably say it's a little sacrilegious, and they may not entirely be wrong, but it is a little sacrilegious.

SPEAKER_11 15:26

It is there there was um oh god, a fun fact of uh um George Carlin, he refused to take off his ring because uh his wife had just passed. I don't know if you had that in your fun facts or not, but I had that uh I did.

SPEAKER_05 15:43

So thanks for jumping the gun.

SPEAKER_11 15:45

I couldn't remember. I'm sorry. I got on Reddit and like did a deep dive and was like, oh this is a cinematic Meg podcast.

SPEAKER_05 15:55

This isn't crime junkie.

SPEAKER_11 15:56

I didn't mean to steal your thunder though, on a fact.

SPEAKER_05 15:59

I don't think you could steal my thunder. I I only have a few egotistical moments throughout the day or in the past half hour, and I just kind of just keep going and from there on out. And that was one of them. I don't think you could steal my thunder. You could try.

SPEAKER_11 16:13

Try. I don't want to be a thunder stealer.

SPEAKER_05 16:16

No, you'd rather be a thunder buddy.

SPEAKER_11 16:18

Yeah, boom, boom. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_05 16:22

All right, anyway, so now we start getting to the real meat of this whole story. Banished Angels, Loki, played by Matt Damon, and Bartley, played by Ben Affleck, have been sent a newspaper article by a mysterious source revealing a way for them to return to heaven or go home, as they charmingly refer to it throughout the movie. Loki was the angel of death and drunkenly quit his position and flipped off God. Not good, Loki. In the process at the suggestion, or yeah, in the process at the suggestion of his best friend Bartley, thus the banishment. While they're not evil, they haven't been sent to hell. It has led them to someplace worse. Wisconsin. I mean, I'm from Chicago. Preach. What the hell do you want? Preach. Exactly. Megan.

SPEAKER_11 17:22

I concur. You concur? I concur, Go Bears. Megan, go Jags, go Jags though. I will say both, but until we meet this year in the stadium. In December.

SPEAKER_05 17:33

I know. We should go. When the Jaguars have to come to soldier.

SPEAKER_11 17:38

I know. I've been thinking about it and trying to figure out, like, because I hate the cold. So, like, what can I do to be warm during this? And if yeah.

SPEAKER_05 17:49

But I'm kind of a freaking nature anyway, though, so I hate the summer. I hate summer.

SPEAKER_11 17:53

Floridian. I love it. I love the summer.

SPEAKER_05 17:56

Yeah, you're you're southern and you you just love summer. You love lake time, beach time, all that.

SPEAKER_12 18:02

Well, yeah, because I grew up going to Michigan in the summers, and it's cooler there because you're on a lake.

SPEAKER_05 18:07

Yeah. I just summer just makes me almost mean. I'm too irish. Like Olaf. I'm too Irish for that shit.

SPEAKER_12 18:19

I'm too Irish. Way too Irish for that shit. Did you so do you know if Bartleby and um Loki Loki are real angels? Do you know? Loki is not in the Catholic Bible, no. They they are fictional characters in the story. Loki is the god of yeah, he's he's in um I don't know if it is it Greek myths. Norse mythology. Yeah. Yeah. Fun fact.

SPEAKER_05 18:49

Uh the god of uh mischief, isn't he?

SPEAKER_12 18:52

Yes, yes. I only know that from Thor.

SPEAKER_05 18:58

I think I first heard that in the movie The Mask, but then yes.

SPEAKER_11 19:01

Yes, yes, yes, when they were yeah.

SPEAKER_05 19:04

Alright. So anyway, this is not exactly a good thing, though, because if Loki and Bartleby succeed in returning to heaven, it will reverse God's decree. Since God is indeed infallible, proving him wrong would proving him or her wrong would unmake existence in the blink of an eye. I should point out that Loki has decided to retake his post by dishing out divine justice to the wicked on their path from Wisconsin to New Jersey. I'm sure we'll touch down on this all a lot more later. Of course we will. Then we meet Bethany, played by Linda Fiorentino, a divorced Catholic woman who is clearly struggling with her faith.

SPEAKER_11 19:49

A devout Catholic working at a pro-choice abortion clinic. Yeah, classic. Loved that.

SPEAKER_12 19:56

Like what do you call that? Age I can't think of the word.

SPEAKER_11 20:00

New age Catholic?

SPEAKER_12 20:02

Yeah, new age Catholic, but it's like an oxymoron, right? Yeah. Yeah. Or ironic.

SPEAKER_11 20:07

Yes.

SPEAKER_12 20:08

So isn't it ironic? Yeah.

SPEAKER_11 20:12

Just a little bit.

SPEAKER_12 20:13

What I love about when you like see her in church, and what well, actually, what really drives me crazy is she's like the only one reciting the Lord's Prayer. I'm like, in a real Catholic church, everybody recites the Lord's Prayer. And if you don't, you get a nudge from your neighbor, like, hey, this is the Lord's Prayer, not up, you know?

SPEAKER_05 20:33

But there is there's quite a bit going on during that mass service. And you got a couple of asshole kids that are wrestling around with a little toy movie, the golden calf. We get to that. You got somebody sleeping.

SPEAKER_12 20:45

Yeah. Which you like if you go like I've been going to church for most of my life, right?

SPEAKER_05 20:52

Did you go last Sunday, Megan?

SPEAKER_12 20:53

No, I mean, but I go, like, I've gone within the past six months. So what I'm saying is, like, when I was a kid, it was like, it was like, yes, yes, you're right. When I was a kid, it was twice a week that I would go. So I feel like I've kind of done, you know, like I've done my church. But but you always knew in church when someone was in trouble because you would get dragged out by your parents and you'd have to sit behind the glass. And if you were behind the glass, you were a bad kid. So like then on Monday at school, we'd be like, Hey, why did you get pulled out of church and get put behind the glass? Like, what were you doing? It was like this whole thing.

SPEAKER_11 21:33

Well, the what is it? That's harsh. Is it Chris Rock that says it? Um, when he's explaining some stuff in the movie where he's uh he says Catholics uh mourn their religion instead of celebrate it. Yes. I thought that was an interesting I thought it was too, and you kind of see it in that first scene, you know, of it like everybody just kind of there to be there because it's they're supposed to be there because they're Catholic.

SPEAKER_05 22:00

They may not necessarily wanna be there, but it's that Catholic guilt that it drags them there.

SPEAKER_11 22:04

I mean, I don't really hear devout Baptist in describing a Baptist. I don't really hear like devout, like a devout Christian, yeah, but also devout Catholic is what you hear mostly.

SPEAKER_12 22:16

It's like very much a you go and you are reminded of all the sacrifices that God and and Jesus and the you know, you know what I did for you? Yeah, and it's like You know what I did for you? Are you being grateful? Have you sinned? You need to fess up to your sins and be a good person because Jesus did all these things. Jesus died for our sins and you feel guilty. It's guilty, it's what it is.

SPEAKER_11 22:48

So I grew up Baptist, Southern Baptists. Uh we went to a it was very charismatic, you know, had the live band going all the time. Nice. You know, but you were frowned at and like got like grabbed pearls around you if you even danced or like shook your booty a little bit to this music that was happening, and they'd be like, Oh, look at her.

SPEAKER_08 23:11

She's just shaking her booty and crit in church, you know. What's the problem?

SPEAKER_05 23:15

The divine power of the Holy Spirit's moving through you. And then I've obviously manifests it in different ways. I don't I don't see the problem here. Get out there and shake it like you ain't gonna break it. Yeah, absolutely. Even if it's at church, go ahead.

SPEAKER_11 23:24

I vi visited, I don't we weren't a part of, but visited like the charismatic churches that speak in tongues, so that was interesting. That's that's thirty for churches. Oh no. Uh there are some that do that, you know, the you need a healing.

SPEAKER_08 23:38

Some true settled now. Oh, that's more like probably a black church right there.

SPEAKER_05 23:45

You see um in the beginning sequence of true blood with her woman's like all convulsing and shit.

SPEAKER_12 23:52

Or um in American Horror Story Coven, Misty Misty Day, she's kind of part of that. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_11 24:00

I I love a good sermon. Like, I don't go to the church anymore. I'm very spiritual. Um, but I I do love and enjoy a good sermon, and I will always get emotional in church if you bring me. Like, I will cry. I will always cry.

SPEAKER_12 24:16

Now I want to take you to a Catholic mass and stuff.

SPEAKER_11 24:18

But there's there's a there's a joke that I heard from a pastor, and it was like describing how Southern Baptists are, and it's this man who's stranded on an island and he builds these three huts. He comes to get rescued, and uh, or people come to rescue him and they're like, Hey, are you here by yourself? He's like, Yeah. They're like, Why these three huts? And so he's like, Well, one was my house, okay, yeah, we get it. The second one is my church. I'm a you know, Baptist, Southern Baptist, capital B. And they're like, Oh, okay, all right, all right. And he's like, Well, what's the third hut for? And he's like, Are you kidding? I had to change churches.

SPEAKER_05 24:52

All right, real quick, who's your real quick question? Who's your favorite T uh televangelist?

SPEAKER_11 24:58

Oh, I don't know any names.

SPEAKER_05 25:00

I used to not down with old Joel Osteen. God, multimillionaire Joel Osteen.

SPEAKER_11 25:06

Was he was he the one with the real hard hair?

SPEAKER_05 25:09

Maybe.

SPEAKER_11 25:10

There was a purple-haired lady I saw a lot. Tammy, was her name Tammy?

SPEAKER_05 25:15

Tammy Faye Tammy Faye Faye Baker. Yeah, yeah, yeah. PDL. Yeah.

SPEAKER_11 25:20

Yeah. She my uh we had this old lady babysitter that would just watch them and be on the phone. Like, she wouldn't even care what we were doing, but she would be on the phone with all of them like donating all of her money.

SPEAKER_05 25:30

It's a PDL, praise the Lord. Yeah, they even had their own uh Christian amusement park because God wants you to be was it fruit, not not fruitful, but uh God wants you to be rich.

SPEAKER_11 25:43

Yeah, there's the uh Bible, I don't know. There's there's one of them in um in Orlando. Like when you go there, there's one of the Christian like church.

SPEAKER_05 25:52

Well, Tammy Tammy Faye's dead, but uh Jim Baker, I think, is still alive.

SPEAKER_11 25:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 25:56

Mine, I think, was Jimmy Swaggard. Jimmy Swagger, man. He was the one that cried all the time. Oh man, he he was the um he was the prude in public, but the pervert in private. He liked hookers. Got caught with hookers, I think, on more than one occasion. So you go, Jimmy Swagger.

SPEAKER_11 26:13

Yeah, I do remember that. Yeah, how to plant a seed.

SPEAKER_12 26:16

I wasn't allowed the I wasn't allowed to watch televangelists. Like anytime they would come on, like if I was at my grandparents' house, my grandma would be like, We're not watching this. And I'm like, why? It's so cool.

SPEAKER_05 26:27

Your grandma did you a favor, that's why.

SPEAKER_12 26:29

She's like, they're not real god-fearing people or something like that. She's like, they just care about money, and I was like, Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_05 26:36

But also spoken like a true Catholic.

SPEAKER_12 26:39

Which is you know, which is funny because like the you know, Vatican is rich, like the the Catholic faith has money, but then you get out into like the United States, and these churches struggle for parishioners, they struggle for keeping the lights on, and I'm like, Where's the love Pope? You know, where are you at? I don't know.

SPEAKER_05 27:04

I will never forget the time we had to meet with the priest before Megan and I got married. And this guy asked me if I um if I would reconsider getting back involved with the church. I just I was like, I think it's time to start mixing a little more water with that wine there, Padre. Like I just'm not sure if I see that happening. I was just like, yeah, uh, no, I don't think so. I'm good.

SPEAKER_12 27:30

I'm still very disappointed that we did not we have not gotten our marriage blessed. It's like I've gotten every sacrament except marriage and death yet. It's gonna happen.

SPEAKER_05 27:40

I know, but life is full of disappointments, and you know, we persevere, we move on, and you know, go out there into the world, tits up, and we do our thing.

SPEAKER_12 27:49

The problem is is that he would have had to uh annulled his marriage to his first wife. And yeah, that's the thing about Catholics. He's just lazy, doesn't he?

SPEAKER_11 27:58

They want to say it never happened. Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_05 28:02

Yeah, but I had three children from my first marriage.

SPEAKER_11 28:05

I know.

SPEAKER_05 28:05

So what is that? I mean I know. Yeah.

SPEAKER_11 28:07

So then they want to like not recognize your kids in the Catholic church after that. And then uh I mean it's I don't know. I I feel like we're it's not true anymore because we brought that up. Okay, I I hey, hey, hey, all right, okay, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 28:20

I kind of feel like we're kind of getting off into a different thing. This was supposed to be funny. I thought no, I'm not. You know that thing that you were uh said wasn't kicking in yet? I think it's kicking in now.

SPEAKER_12 28:34

Just a little bit. I can feel it in my cheek buttons.

SPEAKER_05 28:36

Well, you're never gonna get anywhere in life all hopped up on the dope, okay.

SPEAKER_11 28:40

Real real quick, um, before we get back into it, I do want to say, like, I was super like I went to youth group every Wednesday. I went to church. I was the only one in my family out of the kids that like decided to get baptized, and I would go to church all the time. And I was part of the church group at school, which was like Club 121, where we bring a one-to-one relationship with Jesus Christ. And we had our leaders and we tried to get all these students because it was student-led. That was the only way we could have any church stuff on school grounds. And I swallowed a live goldfish for Christ. I swallowed a live goldfish. Why? What did it feel it? Yeah, it like the tail and shit came back up, and I was like, straight up trying to go all fishes and loaves there, worse. Yeah, I don't know what the head of like the Club 121 group was thinking. I don't know, and I don't know why I was. Serial killer, maybe? I also was this like Jinko wearing, you know, spiky hair, and we were called Jesus Freaks. So like I went to church camp, but I went with like kids that this kid put wood glue in his hair to look kind of like have hair like Wayne Static.

SPEAKER_08 29:51

Yeah. Like it was Wayne's static is pretty cool.

SPEAKER_05 29:56

Yeah. Well, he was. He's no longer with us. Oh, he's dead? Yeah, he's been dead for a while.

SPEAKER_11 30:01

When did he die?

SPEAKER_05 30:03

2011.

SPEAKER_11 30:04

Of what? Man, R.I.P.

SPEAKER_05 30:06

Um I I think he OD'd, I think. I'm not sure. I I don't quote me on that.

SPEAKER_12 30:11

Speaking of OD, um, it's been circulating on TikTok the pictures of Kurt Cobain's suicide. Uh-oh. People are sharing those pictures again. I'm like, come on. Oh, sorry. That's him.

SPEAKER_05 30:22

Uh died in 2014, November 1st, 2014. Almost made it to his 49th birthday. About three days shy of his 49th birthday. Well, it was the cause of death. Jinx.

SPEAKER_11 30:36

You owe me a beer. I was gonna say, you can't dink me. I'm on a podcast right now.

SPEAKER_05 30:40

Uh well, let's see. An autopsy confirmed his death was an accidental result of mixed prescription drug toxicity.

SPEAKER_12 30:47

Oh, like Fledger?

SPEAKER_05 30:49

Including oxycodone, hydromorphone, and Alprazzl, Alprazzolam. Oh, these combined with the way. So shortly after all this, now we're finally back to the movie. Shortly after all this, we are introduced to Azriel, played by Jason Lee, a former muse, turned demon, after he was actually banished to hell due to refusing to pick the righteous side during the war after Lucifer's rebellion. He then sends the three demonic teenagers to kill Bethany.

SPEAKER_11 31:28

He plays his part so well. He plays his part so well. And at one point he does this uh maniacal laugh with this smile that is just like like it looks like one of the little devils on a deck of cards. It's so good.

SPEAKER_05 31:45

Is that the part where he makes the holy bartender?

SPEAKER_11 31:47

Uh I I think so.

SPEAKER_12 31:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 31:50

Then I'm gone. Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_12 31:52

I was not expecting him to like light the guy up like a Tommy gun. I was expecting like a just a shot to the head, and that would be the holy bartender.

SPEAKER_05 32:01

He straight up, oh no, he saw that he straight up went to the biggest. Little Susie Uzi though. Otherwise, it's not really a holy bartender then. If it's just well, I don't know, maybe all technicalities aside.

SPEAKER_11 32:13

In in one of my little facts that I read, um Kevin Lee went to Jason or Kevin Smith and went to Jason and said, Hey man, this isn't like clerks. Get it together on this film. Yeah. And Jason uh memorized the whole entire script, everybody's line.

SPEAKER_05 32:29

Oh, no, no, I think you get a little mixed up there, buddy. He had to say that to Jason Mews.

SPEAKER_11 32:34

No, I don't think it is. Yes. It wasn't Jason Muse.

SPEAKER_05 32:38

It's Jason Mews. I don't think it was the J and J and Silent Bob, and I'll tell you why because he was on heroin.

SPEAKER_11 32:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 32:44

In fact, the scene, the scene at the bar where the he makes the holy bartender, Ezra does, um, they couldn't quite keep it out. Jason Muse is straight nodding out in that scene.

SPEAKER_12 32:56

It's really sad to watch. Yeah, it is. It's really sad.

SPEAKER_05 33:00

But he's he's been clean for over a decade now.

SPEAKER_12 33:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 33:04

Yeah. So I hear he's doing great, which is awesome. But at the time he was kind of a hot fucking mess.

SPEAKER_09 33:09

Oh, was it Jason Mews?

SPEAKER_05 33:10

I don't know. It was Jason Muse, trust me.

SPEAKER_12 33:13

So was Asreel was he like a good guy, go goes bad?

SPEAKER_05 33:20

Yeah, he was he was a muse, just like serendipity, just like Selma Hyde's character. I mustn't miss it. Because he was sitting there, because he did not have faith in the righteous side, God was all like, hey, you, you asshole who refuse to fight, get out. You want to side with them? Get out of here.

SPEAKER_02 33:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 33:38

And then he was no longer an angel, he was a demon. And demons can and cannot transubstantiate. They can't become human. But angels can. So yeah. Anyway. In this movie. In this movie, yes. Moving right along, we are introduced to the Metatron, played by Alan Rickman. The Metatron acts as the voice of God. Kind of like a mediator, as humans are incapable of handling the voice of the Almighty. The Metatron informs Bethany that she has been charged with a holy crusade. She has been tasked with stopping Loki and Bartleby from entering the church and ultimately finding a loophole to get back into heaven. He also informs her that she will not have to take on this quest alone. That she will have assistance in the form of two prophets, Jay and Silent Bob. And to um to go ahead and say here right now, I don't know how the hell this happened, but like half of my fucking notes for this episode just kind of vanished. I really don't know how. But this is actually not necessarily a bad thing. Because it's gonna give my co-host more of an opportunity to just kind of get in here and do a lot more talking.

SPEAKER_11 34:56

Are you ready?

SPEAKER_05 34:56

I think you're ready.

SPEAKER_11 34:57

I mean, what what do you I like okay? I'm stretching.

SPEAKER_05 35:05

You literally emailed me notes earlier today.

SPEAKER_11 35:09

Well, it's just things that I wanted to like hit on, and I wanted to make sure that you knew like um, yeah. Uh I didn't know if you had the if you did you ever get the soundbite of this nooch?

SPEAKER_05 35:22

I did not. Well, we I mean to the motherfucking nooch.

SPEAKER_11 35:26

Snooch to the motherfucking ooch.

SPEAKER_05 35:29

I'm gonna say that anytime I say we can play that scene right now if you want.

SPEAKER_11 35:33

Let's do it.

SPEAKER_12 35:37

I love how they sound like fly.

SPEAKER_11 35:38

I know I love that you know.

SPEAKER_05 35:40

That's because they're they're demonic.

SPEAKER_08 35:44

You don't think we just got pulled over outside?

SPEAKER_05 35:47

I know they were just kids down the bottom kick their fucking pupil tennis.

SPEAKER_12 36:11

I'm gonna that's gonna be my new beer. Can we go up to Barney's after this and get a beer and just yell it really loud.

SPEAKER_11 36:31

When he like goes to do something big, he's gonna go snooch to the motherfuckin' nooch.

SPEAKER_04 36:43

Snoogins. I know they were just kids with the fucking published asses.

SPEAKER_12 36:49

So these two are the Prophet. So they're not human either, is how they were able to jump down out of the air, right? Uh no, they're human. Yeah, they are so how did they come from above their in that scene?

SPEAKER_05 37:03

I don't know. It's a movie.

SPEAKER_11 37:04

Well, they jumped, yeah. They just came. Well, they were traveling. You heard their travels. They traveled, where were they traveling from?

SPEAKER_05 37:11

Jersey.

SPEAKER_11 37:11

Well, they were going to Jersey.

SPEAKER_05 37:13

No, they're coming from Jersey to Shermer, Illinois. That's the whole giant.

SPEAKER_11 37:16

Oh, oh, that's right. But they were on their way back because there was no Shermer in Illinois. So they're on their way back to New Jersey.

SPEAKER_05 37:25

Like 16 candles. Pretty good movie. It's got tits, but no bush. And you got weird science where this good-looking woman wants to get her gear down and get down, but she won't because it's a PG movie.

SPEAKER_11 37:38

Yeah, so they're definitely humans.

SPEAKER_05 37:40

Yeah. And then they wanted to be the fat blunt connection in Sherman, Illinois, because the women were all top shelf and the guys were all whiny pussies. Except for Judd Nelson. He was harsh.

SPEAKER_02 37:51

Yeah, he was.

SPEAKER_05 37:53

Alright. So basically, after all that, they go to the diner. They go to and we'll talk about the diner scene here in a little while. On their way, after Jay just brutally destroys Bethany's car, is when they meet up with Rufus. Oh, yeah. And I gotta play this too. Okay. Wait, hold on.

SPEAKER_04 38:15

It's you breaking up with us? Who the hell do you think you are, lady? You can't just go around breaking people's hearts like that. I fell in love with you. We fell in love with you. Guys like us just don't follow the fucking sky, you know. Beautiful, naked, big titted women just don't follow the sky, you know.

SPEAKER_05 38:39

You you can't blame the guy for trying. You really just you just can't. You cannot blame the guy for trying.

SPEAKER_11 38:44

I mean, boy, does he try to do that?

SPEAKER_05 38:45

In 99, I in November in 99, I was 18 years old. I probably would have tried the same thing.

SPEAKER_11 38:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 38:52

Wouldn't have been successful, but you know, my god, you know, you sometimes just gotta go for it. So that's where we meet Rufus. Yeah. The 13th apostle, who is wanting to help on Bethany's journey, and he's also kind of got his own little um uh what am I looking for? He's got his own journey. He's got his own motive. Yeah, that's that's he's the 13th apostle. He's been left out of the left out of the Bible. Why? Because he's black. Because he's black. It's usually long.

SPEAKER_11 39:20

Jesus was black, so he didn't get it. Right. Which is funny. I love that he says that he was left out because he was black. Because there was no 13th apostle. Yeah, but uh also you know, Jesus wasn't white. We don't know what Jesus was. That's right. He was not a Caucasian, no.

SPEAKER_05 39:38

I mean Burster Lusal. You know what? Could have been He was the Messiah, that should be enough.

SPEAKER_12 39:46

Yeah, I mean, it doesn't matter, but Israel people are super yeah, no, they're Middle Eastern, you know.

SPEAKER_11 39:55

This Tom Dicker Harry.

SPEAKER_12 39:57

Yeah, or it could have or God is a woman.

SPEAKER_11 40:00

Well, God is a woman. Well, in this movie. Jesus was a man.

SPEAKER_12 40:04

Jesus was a man. Excellent.

SPEAKER_05 40:08

So they also meet serendipity, played by Selma Hayek. Oh god, she's so hot.

SPEAKER_12 40:14

Was a muse, and is it bad that like I knew who the actress was before I saw her face by her ass? Oh, no, not that's because of that one movie that she was in where she was a stripper in that movie too.

SPEAKER_05 40:29

Oh, from Dust Told. Yes. That movie sucks. That is an awful movie. It is a bad movie.

SPEAKER_11 40:35

But it's nostalgic. You know, yeah. Really?

SPEAKER_12 40:38

I kind of do.

SPEAKER_11 40:38

I didn't know. Is it four rooms?

SPEAKER_05 40:42

Yes.

SPEAKER_11 40:43

Four rooms was that.

SPEAKER_05 40:44

I haven't got a problem. I've got problems. Plural. So serendipity, the muse. Was a muse, still is a muse. The inspiration behind the Bible. Sure. Let's have her enter in with the hotness as a stripper. A stripper. These are Megan's notes, not mine. Muse.

SPEAKER_11 41:00

I mean, yeah, she was so hot. She's just so she is a beautiful woman. And even now.

SPEAKER_05 41:05

Since she is an angel, she is sand's genitalia. I feel like we have to add that in there too.

SPEAKER_11 41:10

Yeah, we didn't get to see hers. We got to see uh she had boobs though. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 41:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_12 41:15

Isn't that genitalia a little bit? No. No? No. It's just the lower parts only. Oh.

SPEAKER_11 41:20

Where are your genitals? In the southern region of my body. There you go. Genitalia. It's plural for genitals. I'm having a I didn't take biology. I guess genitals is plural for genitals. Genitalia is the proper way, I guess, would say. So penis, penis, penis.

SPEAKER_05 41:39

Vagina, vagina, vagina. Are we going? We're going back here. We're going back to varsity blues here. You weren't even here for that one.

SPEAKER_08 41:46

What are you talking about?

SPEAKER_05 41:47

No, but you just had to, you couldn't resist. So moving right along. Let's let's keep let's keep rolling here. Okay, we're about 40 minutes here. I don't want this to go on too long. I want people to actually listen. I want people to enjoy this stuff. So they're on um, they have a chance meeting on a train where they meet up with Loki and Bartleby. Unbeknownst because they have no idea who Bethany is, they have no idea who they are. The only one that does recognize them is Chris Rock. Everything is going on. And he was sleeping. He was sleeping. And checking out blonde women in the hallway to the train. Can't fault them there.

SPEAKER_11 42:25

Yeah, but that was just a moment.

SPEAKER_05 42:26

So as Bartleby and Bethany are talking, uh they flirting. They are, yes. Even though Bartleby can't do nothing about it.

SPEAKER_11 42:35

So Yeah, he's not even drunk because he can't drink.

SPEAKER_05 42:38

Yep. That's true.

SPEAKER_11 42:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 42:40

While Bethany can uh can drink, can get drunk, and ends up doing both and spills out the entire plan. When Bartleby realizes that the woman that he well he's not he doesn't have to destroy her, but she's the one that is sent to stop him. And he knows that there's a good chance that she could pull it off. That is when Bartleby pretty much loses his shit. Though Silent Bob throws both of them off the train and they're saved, Bartleby totally flips the freaking script. Loki is no longer interested in handing out divine justice. He sees Bartleby has pretty much gone batshit and is convinced that Bartleby is not just talking about going home, but declaring war on God.

SPEAKER_11 43:25

Sounds like Lucifer.

SPEAKER_05 43:27

Yep, the morning star. And he has seen way too many people. He has seen what happens to the proud. They take on the throne. And it ain't good. Yep. So Loki decides he wants to go back to Wisconsin. Barbie says, no, we're going to Jersey.

SPEAKER_11 43:44

I just realized that he did.

SPEAKER_05 43:45

Going home.

SPEAKER_11 43:46

Yeah, I just realized that um Loki did cut off his own wings. I didn't realize that before. And then all the many times, and that's why he was human for some reason that just clicked, and I'm like, uh no, he's at at this party's still an angel.

SPEAKER_05 44:00

Yeah, but he hasn't cut off his own wings until that's why you should.

SPEAKER_11 44:04

Yeah, towards the end of the movie. But don't want to jump ahead. Don't want to jump ahead.

SPEAKER_05 44:07

I think we just did.

SPEAKER_11 44:08

That's all right. That's all right. We'll moonwalk it back. Yeah. So flip it and reverse it.

SPEAKER_05 44:14

In jersey.

SPEAKER_11 44:17

Sir?

SPEAKER_12 44:17

And I said skirt. You didn't hear the reference, I mean. There's a Missy Elephant. Elephant on the Missy Elliot.

SPEAKER_11 44:28

You're gonna get a you're gonna get a DM about that.

SPEAKER_12 44:33

Cut that one out. It was the edible in the colour. Did you take an edible? No. What the fuck is wrong with you two? She she took a drag of her pen.

SPEAKER_11 44:43

But yeah, that's just like air. You just wish you could be on our level.

SPEAKER_12 44:47

That's just air to me. Just air.

SPEAKER_05 44:49

Fucking destroy you both. Alright. So after all this, now we're in Jersey. Where, well, actually, no, not quite yet. So Bethany, Rufus, Jay, Silent Bob, all decide to get off the train. Kind of keep it low pro. And this is where Chris, or this is where Rufus finally tells Bethany that she is an extremely distant relative of Jesus, the Messiah. Like something the last Zion. Yeah, she's the last Zion. So of course, this is all kind of huge news to her. The Metatron comes back and he says, Why not go out with some style? Takes him to a restaurant, and this is where Stone J says, hey, why don't we just ask the Cardinal to cancel the ceremony? So that's what they try to do. They try to go visit the Cardinal, get him to call it off. Cardinal says, No, nice. Not gonna happen. Now I'm a very important man with very important matters. So that plan goes down the shitter.

SPEAKER_12 45:56

Can I just say when what's her face? What's her name? Jennifer?

SPEAKER_05 46:01

Bethany.

SPEAKER_12 46:02

Bethany. When she finds out Jennifer's not even close.

SPEAKER_11 46:05

Samsonite.

SPEAKER_12 46:07

I'm not good with remembering names, okay? Um so when Bethany finds out that she is a like the last scion of Jesus, I hate that scene. And she goes stomping into the water. I'm like, Oh, why do you get wet? Well the why you why are you in a puddle right now?

SPEAKER_11 46:23

Why are you being a big thing? No, no, that wasn't that wasn't like you're about to do something really big.

SPEAKER_05 46:28

That wasn't necessarily a downside. The white sweater getting wet was actually one the one redeeming quality to the scene, but uh you're right. The rest of it is I didn't even know she had a white sweater on. Oh, yeah, she did. Yeah, I noticed.

SPEAKER_12 46:39

Yeah, of course you did. Of course you did, you pig.

unknown 46:42

Come on.

SPEAKER_05 46:43

Boobs. I was saying, we talking about here with a total pig. Everyone knows this.

SPEAKER_12 46:47

Here he would be in that movie, um, 40-year-old not 40-year-old virgin, um knocked up where knocked up where they're watching pornos and her movies to find Bush in the movies. He'd be the guy going bush, bush, bush. Oh yeah, 30.

SPEAKER_05 47:03

Maybe possibly. So anyway, so that plan goes to shit. So they go to the bar, and that's where they run into Azriel, and Azriel basically tells them that he's the one that sent the newspaper article to Loki and Bartlebean. Not not to help them out, but because he's actually counting on them succeeding and having all of existence wiped out.

SPEAKER_12 47:28

Or is he just hoping to get back into heaven?

SPEAKER_05 47:30

No, he's he that's not gonna happen.

SPEAKER_11 47:32

Okay, yeah, he's he just wants the world to end because he doesn't want to be in hell anymore. If he can't get out, he's taking everybody with him.

SPEAKER_05 47:40

He actually says to Bethany, he says, Have you ever been to hell? I'd rather not exist and go back to that. So Ezrael may be evil, but he's not stupid. Yeah, but this, of course, is not go to plan. They stole Cardinal Glick's driver before they took off, obviously. And since the card the good Cardinal blessed his golf clubs for a better golf game, the one free shot that Ezrael gives Silent Bob kills him. And Bethany blesses the sink behind the bar and they drown the three mighty duckfucks.

SPEAKER_11 48:12

They go to the church to find they wicked witched their asses. Yeah, they did. That's really what they did.

SPEAKER_05 48:19

They make way to the church and they find a sea of dead people at the Catholicism WoW celebration. Loki and Bartleby have just gone apeshit. Maybe more so Bartleby, I don't think. Because Loki doesn't want to do it.

SPEAKER_11 48:34

Yeah, Loki doesn't want to go there.

SPEAKER_05 48:36

But Bartleby's like, I'm done. I've had it.

SPEAKER_11 48:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 48:40

He's like, he has shown them infinite fucking patience, and some of them doesn't even don't even believe he exists.

SPEAKER_11 48:45

Mm-hmm. I like what he said um when he was talking about, you know, getting sent to Earth. They're servants, and they're not there with free will. And so they have to feel the pain and the loss of God in their lives. And so they're kind of like an internal, you know, pain because they've been banished to Earth and they're hu well, not human, but that's where they are. And so, yeah, I thought that was pretty interesting. I'm like, oh, that is that you didn't just get to like live amongst the people for all of eternity, but you had to be in pain the whole time, too.

SPEAKER_05 49:20

Yeah. Pain, but not pain and suffering. Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_12 49:24

So I love that scene when they like roll up on him and they're like, Where's Bartleby?

SPEAKER_05 49:29

And Loki's like he just started picking up people off the road.

SPEAKER_12 49:32

Yeah, he's just picking people off the road and dropping them, and it's just like he just could not stop.

SPEAKER_05 49:38

That would be the cardinal. You can't tell by his face, but the robes are a dead giveaway. I guess Loki is shit face now. So anyway, Bartleby has um just plain, just gets tired of you know, Loki just kind of being on the fence about all this. He says he, I'm sorry, my friend, you've lost your faith, and Bartleby stabs and kills Loki. You want to jump in here at all?

SPEAKER_11 50:09

Oh no, I was just waiting because I was gonna say, you know, let's talk about some big things that we did miss, like big scenes that I think are really fun and like good, good watching.

SPEAKER_05 50:19

Like I was let's get through the synopsis.

SPEAKER_11 50:21

Well, that was that's what I was waiting on. Then you eyeball me.

SPEAKER_05 50:25

So when Bethany is told by uh is told by Jay that John Doe Jersey, the old the older man that was accosted at the very beginning of the film, is on life support at the hospital, she realizes that it's actually God in human form because God takes some time to come to earth and play a shit ton of skee ball. And since I love that God is not actually dead, because he would just go right back up to heaven, kick the shit out of Loki and Bartleby when they try to do this ill shit.

SPEAKER_11 50:58

But if he's just subdued, if he's just kind of on the sideline, yeah, in a coma, still alive but trapped.

SPEAKER_05 51:05

Exactly. Bethany runs, hauls ass at the hospital, and pulls the plug on God, thus killing him, sending him back to heaven. But she is a yeah, him, her, the almighty, right back up to paradise. But Bethany is martyred in the process, and Bethany is killed. At this point, Bartleby is just about to enter the church. His wings have been shot off by Jay, who's been told probably about a half a dozen times at this point, don't shoot off the fucking wings. And he still does it. I'd have been pissed off at Jay too. I'm sorry. It's like Jay, I love you, but holy shit, man. How many times do I gotta tell you to not do something, and yet you still do it? What's the matter with you? So where the doors open to the church and low and Bartleby is met by the Metatron and God, this time now played by Alanis Morriset. I love her.

SPEAKER_12 52:03

I do too. I loved her as God. That was like one of my favorite things. Yep. She played that so well. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 52:10

Yeah. God does end up forgiving Bartleby and decides to forgive and send him home by speaking, and well, makes Bartleby's heart explode in his chest, and his head just explode right off his shoulders. God then cleans up all the dead bodies, restores everything, and even brings Bethany back to life. Not only brings her back to life, but fully restores her. She can repair you, she can make you better.

SPEAKER_09 52:39

Yes.

SPEAKER_05 52:40

And it is here that we find out that Bethany is no longer the last Zion.

SPEAKER_09 52:46

Yep.

SPEAKER_05 52:47

That she has been impregnated due to Immaculate Conception.

SPEAKER_11 52:52

Yep.

SPEAKER_05 52:53

And that is the end of the movie.

SPEAKER_11 52:54

Yep.

SPEAKER_05 52:54

With Jay saying that pregnant women can have sex until well into their third trimester.

SPEAKER_12 53:01

I wouldn't know anything about that. I'm asking you, is that true?

SPEAKER_11 53:06

Uh I don't know. My husband was not interested in it.

SPEAKER_05 53:12

That is the end of the movie.

SPEAKER_11 53:14

To go back to knocked up, he was like Seth Rogan's character of like, I don't know. What am I doing? What if I'm hitting it? Oh my god.

SPEAKER_05 53:22

I love that. Since I've been doing so much of the talking, Megan McConville, what do you got for likes on this movie?

SPEAKER_12 53:29

Um I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I know.

SPEAKER_05 53:32

You gotta please stop trying to hit it.

SPEAKER_12 53:34

I can't help that.

SPEAKER_05 53:34

It does happen. See, I just did it right there.

SPEAKER_12 53:36

Yes. All right. Um, I loved in the beginning when Bartleby and Loki are at the airport and um Loki convinces the nun to just give it up.

SPEAKER_05 53:49

Give it up. Yep. Take all this money, go buy yourself a go buy yourself a nice dress.

SPEAKER_11 53:53

Relating it to Alice in Wonderland.

SPEAKER_05 53:55

Looking uh through the looking glass. Did you notice that when they're on the what do they call that? The is that the the tram, whatever, the um the thing that's like a it's like the flat escalator, the thing that we just stand on, you can either walk a moving walkway? Yeah, moving walkway when they're on that. If I'd seen this movie so many times, I'd never noticed in the background the nun is in the background and she's like she's half in the bag. I mean, she's back there and she's all like she's having the time of her life, and people are trying to get her to calm down. Like, there you what are you doing, sister? You're making a spectacle of yourself. She's like, I don't care. I'm having a fucking blast over here. Leave me alone. Megan Abel.

SPEAKER_11 54:36

Uh well, I love the scene of um when they go when they go to the golden calf um movie. Yeah, is it movie? Oh um movie headquarters. Yeah, the golden calf, the headquarters. And I mean, we didn't touch on that yet, but the uh the worship, like they're going to kill in the name of God these idol worshippers. Because it's the golden calf. Yeah. Golden calf. And then I just also like, you know, the showcasing that really the boardroom hasn't changed much in 2026. There's still like greedy pigs of men that just get away with anything because they're rich.

SPEAKER_05 55:18

There's one woman there.

SPEAKER_11 55:19

Yes, one woman who was a pure soul.

SPEAKER_05 55:21

She was a pure soul, yes.

SPEAKER_11 55:22

Yes. And he then he annihilates all of them, leaving her. Oh, well, first we must say that he sneezes at the beginning.

SPEAKER_05 55:30

You didn't say God bless you when I sneezed.

SPEAKER_11 55:32

And I say, I say bless you to every single person since I watched this movie the very first time, years, years, years ago. I am I was obnoxious with it. I'd be like, oh bless, bless you.

SPEAKER_05 55:45

Full security.

SPEAKER_11 55:46

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 55:47

I love it too like when we're currently down. Just stop it already.

SPEAKER_11 55:51

Yeah, I love when uh um Bartle B says he only yells at Loki, like, Loki, no.

SPEAKER_08 55:56

And he's like, You are so lucky.

SPEAKER_11 55:59

Getting off light. Yeah, I that that was one of my favorites.

SPEAKER_05 56:05

Yeah, that is a good scene. He's calling out all the ill shit that people did. He's your son. This guy put his mother in a third-rate nursing home and used the money that he had saved over to buy himself an oriental rug. Mr. Brace disowned his gay son. Very compassionate, Mr. Brace. This one here took the corporate jet to Thailand to having a have sex with an 11-year-old boy gross.

SPEAKER_11 56:31

Yeah, yeah, that was disgusting. That scene is that is a very pivotal scene in this movie.

SPEAKER_05 56:38

Um, let's see. Killing in the name of I freaking uh I love all the all the Easter eggs from past Kevin Smith movies. The whole like get 'em Steve Dave or the quick stop references or silent the men are talking on the train when they're talking about how they attach Silent Bob to a zip line all across the mall. If you've seen any of the past Kevin Smith movies, you know what I'm talking about. Ball rats, clerks, all that shit.

SPEAKER_02 57:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 57:11

Um uh Megan, you're up.

SPEAKER_12 57:15

Um, I love a lot of the references. Like they have a lot of good references, like you just said. Yeah. And the Con Air one was pretty funny too. Oh god.

SPEAKER_05 57:25

That is such a bad movie.

SPEAKER_12 57:26

Yeah. And the Chris Rock expressions. His expressions were amazing.

SPEAKER_05 57:32

Yeah. I well, uh, I mean I liked him. His expressions were were all right.

SPEAKER_11 57:37

His acting expressions did you say?

SPEAKER_05 57:39

Chris Rock. Chris Rock.

SPEAKER_11 57:41

Oh, yeah. I mean, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 57:42

I didn't think his acting was all that great in this movie, though.

SPEAKER_11 57:44

Especially like No, he's just Chris Rock, where he just is like yelling the whole time every time he talks. It's just his life.

SPEAKER_05 57:52

So, yeah, when he falls out of the sky and Jay's all looking at him, he's all like, Man, does he have a message written on him? Like in Conair? Did you guys see that shit? That shit was awesome. Did you notice what Chris Rock says when he's getting up? Uh-uh. He's like, Conair, con shit, that sucked. And I like Conair. I I do not.

SPEAKER_12 58:11

Really?

SPEAKER_05 58:12

Not really.

SPEAKER_12 58:13

So when we watched it over Memorial Day at my aunt's.

SPEAKER_05 58:15

I forgot how bad it was. Really? But it's it's better than The Rock. You ever seen the? Oh my gosh, I love The Rock. Really? I don't know. I don't know how they got Sean Connery to even do that. I mean, it's so bad. And I and I love me some Nicolas Cage. Did not particularly care for Nicolas Cage in that.

SPEAKER_11 58:33

Oh my god. Yep. Loved it.

SPEAKER_05 58:34

It's just sock.

SPEAKER_11 58:36

I've seen it. Well, you know what? It's I had Conner and The Rock. Like, I would dig into like the $2 Ven at Walmart when I was in college. And so, because I didn't have cable, didn't have internet there. Yeah. And I would just, you know, whatever I could get, I would put on my DVD player. And so that was one of my It's just so like four or five. Wedding date was one of them.

SPEAKER_05 58:56

It's just so Jerry Bruckheimer-ish. It's just it's just so Jerry Bruckheimer ish. It's almost too much. It really is. Just, you know, it's like I can see where Michael Bay got all his inspiration for all the slow-mo stuff. And yeah, it's just a bit too much. Megan Abel, you're up.

SPEAKER_11 59:13

One of my likes is definitely that God is a woman. Not only that, but it was Alanis Morset. And so, as we touched on earlier, I love that. And uh, it's my own belief that uh the Bible was not written, like is true to fact, but I'm sitting here with a bunch of Catholic sinners.

SPEAKER_05 59:31

I was baptized Catholic. I don't consider myself a practicing Catholic. So yeah.

SPEAKER_11 59:37

But I'm more like, God is Mother Earth, God is Earth, Earth is God.

SPEAKER_05 59:43

You're not gonna start quoting the craft. Well, God created the earth. Not gonna start talking about Mennow or something on that, are you?

SPEAKER_11 59:48

No, but I do have witch-like tendencies. Um I'm gonna be honest. I very much have witched like tendencies.

SPEAKER_05 59:58

Take it easy. They're Stevie Dex. All right, Stevie next, just relax. You know, everybody does though. This is good though, because I'm gonna tell you something right now. We're we're coming up, we're coming up with some good ideas for some movies that you apparently like and that I would apparently love to trash. The craft, the rock, uh Conair. Just a few examples.

SPEAKER_08 1:00:20

We'd love to watch all of those again. Let's go.

SPEAKER_05 1:00:23

All right. Uh my next one is Alan Rickman, particularly his first scene. Love Alan Rickman, miss Alan Rickman, once again, R.A.P. to one of the greats.

SPEAKER_12 1:00:35

I will have to say his entrance. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_05 1:00:38

Do you have to use the whole Ken?

SPEAKER_12 1:00:40

I loved his entrance. And it was creepy though, when he went went Ken doll, full Kendall, and I'm like, oh.

SPEAKER_05 1:00:49

He's totally addicted.

SPEAKER_12 1:00:50

I can't even look at a Ken doll the same way because that scene disturbed me.

SPEAKER_05 1:00:54

It's weird though, because he's got there's like a little bit of root and there's like a bulge there, but it's just all but that's what a kendal's kind of like. He has a little bulge, it's like it's all plastered over.

SPEAKER_12 1:01:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:01:09

Oh man. Yeah, that scene is funny. Everyone just wants to get into your Nickas. No wonder you're single.

SPEAKER_12 1:01:15

He's so good at playing an angry person. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah. Snape, you know. He has been angry in a lot of his roles that he has.

SPEAKER_11 1:01:24

Has been.

SPEAKER_05 1:01:25

All right.

SPEAKER_11 1:01:27

I got through all my life.

SPEAKER_05 1:01:28

Yeah, through Megan Abel. Let's rock and roll, Ayatola. What do you got next?

SPEAKER_11 1:01:32

Oh, let me go down to my list. Um, oh, I loved the disclaimer at the beginning of the film. Oh, about all the platypi. Well, first we're gonna talk about like this is not our like this is just a movie. This is don't take it seriously, even though it's about God, like, chill out, Catholics. And then it was like, you know, even God has a sense of humor. Take the platypus, for instance, and then we're gonna do like a little apology to all the platypi enthusiasts there are in the world. And I'm just like, man, the platypus is funny. You know how they like can be teal in ultraviolet light.

SPEAKER_05 1:02:15

Really? Yeah. I did not know that.

SPEAKER_11 1:02:18

That's that's why like this there's this cartoon of this platypus. Have you ever seen it? You had kids, I don't know if they they had the platypus on when they were a little bit younger. Maybe. But um, yeah, he was a teal platypus. Wow. And it made so much sense when I learned that fact. I was like, oh, look at you, Disney.

SPEAKER_05 1:02:34

All right. I think my last one is, and there's quite a bit more than I liked, but I wanted to keep it short and sweet. The diner scene. I freaking love this scene. Still makes me laugh to this day. This movie came out in '99. I've seen it so many times, but I love that scene. Especially when Jay thinks that Bethany is gonna sleep with him. So what's up? You got a friend for silent power, you're just gonna do us both. If if so, I'm first. I hate sloppy seconds.

SPEAKER_11 1:03:01

Now I like that the end of him was like, if we're not gonna fuck, then what the fuck are you asking us that for?

SPEAKER_05 1:03:07

Starts to get up. I'll scream rape. Oh man. He starts asking, it's like, Do you do anal? Is it true chicks fart if you blast them up the ass?

SPEAKER_00 1:03:16

You don't need class when you take it in the ass.

SPEAKER_05 1:03:20

I couldn't resist. I had to put that sound bite in there. That scene cracks me up. It is funny. So all right.

SPEAKER_11 1:03:28

I also liked how they touched on um, you know, Jesus having to take on the heavy responsibility of being God's only son when he was a young boy.

SPEAKER_12 1:03:39

And I really appreciated that little aspect of like, you know, like um just being help like hyper-aware of other people's feelings.

SPEAKER_11 1:03:48

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like that.

SPEAKER_12 1:03:50

Yeah. I agree. That was a good one.

SPEAKER_11 1:03:52

Yeah, I liked how they kind of give you that perspective of like, oh, remember, like, Jesus was just a boy whenever he got this like heavy duty task he had to take on. Yeah.

SPEAKER_12 1:04:01

I am Can you imagine if you ask if you told Regan's he was the son of God, he'd be like asking so many questions.

SPEAKER_11 1:04:09

I just heard in my head right now that my husband said he is the son of God. My husband would a thousand percent say that.

SPEAKER_05 1:04:18

The little boy's four years old, he'd probably just be like, cool, man.

SPEAKER_12 1:04:22

But she she had told me yesterday that he's asking a lot of questions and like very curious, right?

SPEAKER_11 1:04:27

Oh, he's always so curious, but you know, he's been talking a lot about like death stuff, you know, like where's your grandma? And you know, like my my mom had to sit there and talk about her dead mom for for like 10 minutes. Like, sorry, mom.

SPEAKER_05 1:04:48

You don't want to leave the poor kid hanging.

SPEAKER_11 1:04:49

I know, but you know, and so it was very entertaining to listen to from like uh an outside perspective of like hmm, yeah. All right.

SPEAKER_05 1:05:00

Now, this may be kind of a dumb question to ask. Dislikes. Do we even have any?

SPEAKER_12 1:05:07

I mean, I've kind of talked about mine already, but um I did I disliked the shit demon. It just grossed me out.

SPEAKER_05 1:05:16

Oh yeah, I mean yeah, that is really nasty.

SPEAKER_11 1:05:20

Gonathon, gonna fall on uh yeah. And he was killed by an odor spray. Or no.

SPEAKER_05 1:05:29

Knock strong odors out. Why do you have that?

SPEAKER_12 1:05:32

This is my uh my little mixture here, that would have been a good odor destroyer. Yeah, I mean it helped with Kofax.

SPEAKER_11 1:05:41

I didn't smell a thing. We s I sprayed him out. He's not even in the room anymore. That's what we need to do. It hit me until she sprayed that and then I'm so glad it didn't make it over here in my little nook.

unknown 1:05:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_11 1:05:51

That's because I sprayed my my spray juice.

SPEAKER_05 1:05:53

He's bad.

SPEAKER_12 1:05:54

Spray juice.

SPEAKER_05 1:05:54

All right. Bullshitting on the back.

SPEAKER_11 1:05:57

Well, hold on. I have one dislike. Oh, you do? Are you skipping over her? But I also like know why now.

SPEAKER_05 1:06:03

I had to make up for all the times I've been cut off in this episode, which is a lot.

SPEAKER_11 1:06:07

It's been fun.

SPEAKER_05 1:06:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_11 1:06:09

Not fun. It's called a conversation mick.

SPEAKER_05 1:06:14

Which I tend to dominate. It's just kind of hard to do.

SPEAKER_11 1:06:16

Conversations are like hopscotch. Feel free to jump in.

SPEAKER_05 1:06:19

Yeah, let's get the sky blue on this motherfucker. I got shit to do.

SPEAKER_11 1:06:24

Anyway, my dislike was, which now I know why, because he had to memorize because he was on heroin the whole time. But I did hate how Jay tended to be a little bit mechanical in his dialogue. Ooh, that's a good one. Yeah. I did not realize that until you just said something. But you know, then when you're deep diving, you're like, oh, he was on heroin.

SPEAKER_05 1:06:43

Oh, that's the thing is though, is that you've seen the other Kevin Smith movies.

SPEAKER_11 1:06:48

Yes. I mean, he's always kind of the same. He's pretty much the same. He's just always been an irritant in the Kevin Smith.

SPEAKER_08 1:06:53

And I'm like, why do you let him talk so much?

SPEAKER_04 1:06:56

I don't know.

SPEAKER_08 1:06:57

You know, he's just a robot when he says like fuck, and then fuck, fuck, fuck, and big titties. That's a great impression.

SPEAKER_05 1:07:05

Great impression. I'm not hearing the downside here.

SPEAKER_12 1:07:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:07:09

Great dialogue, in my opinion.

SPEAKER_12 1:07:11

I feel like Jay to Silent Bob is like Silent Bob's best friend, and he's like one of those best friends that's just kind of a fucking help.

SPEAKER_11 1:07:19

Yeah, taking him on the ride. Better old life mates. He even plays that in the movies, I think one of his movies. What? You know, the the friend that he's got to kind of take care of. Maybe I just made that up.

SPEAKER_05 1:07:33

No, no, I think they just kind of take care of each other. Yeah. Because you notice on the train, I think uh is it Bartleby punches Jay and Jay lands on a table right in front of Silent Bob, and Silent Bob's like, oh hell no. You ain't gonna punch my boy. Oh, I I should point also point out in that scene the Indiana Jones reference where he tosses both the angels off the train and the one guy sitting there, like, oh like what the hell did I just see? And Silent Bob, one of the few times he does talk in the movie, just goes, No ticket. Yep.

SPEAKER_11 1:08:04

Yeah, thanks was the other time he spoke.

SPEAKER_05 1:08:06

Yep, that was it. The longest monologue he's ever had is in a movie called Chasing Amy. They're in one scene, and he does pretty much all the most of the talking. I almost said all of it, but yeah. He's got a monologue there, and that's it. But in any other movie, he's got maybe a couple lines.

SPEAKER_09 1:08:25

I was just trying to remember Jay and Silent Bob. Is it which one is it that has a monkey?

SPEAKER_05 1:08:30

They both do.

SPEAKER_09 1:08:31

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_05 1:08:32

And it's an orangutan. Orangutans are part of the great ape family, it's not a monkey.

SPEAKER_12 1:08:36

Okay. Thank you.

SPEAKER_05 1:08:38

I just can't remember the name.

SPEAKER_12 1:08:39

You know, he corrected me on this, like, I think within the last week, because we were doing something. I was like, oh, that that monkey, and he's like, that's an orangutan.

SPEAKER_05 1:08:47

Actually, it's part of the ape family. Yeah. It's not a monkey.

SPEAKER_12 1:08:50

Yep.

SPEAKER_05 1:08:51

You want to and ironically, do you want to know where I found that out?

SPEAKER_12 1:08:54

Where?

SPEAKER_05 1:08:54

In the movie Jane Silent Bob Strike Back in a character played by Judd Nelson.

SPEAKER_12 1:08:59

Hmm. Okay.

SPEAKER_05 1:09:00

Harsh.

SPEAKER_12 1:09:01

Harsh.

SPEAKER_05 1:09:02

So, all right. Are you all done? Yeah, that was my only dislike. I don't really have any dislikes. So, bullshit on the backlot. Let's go.

SPEAKER_08 1:09:10

Let's get started on let's bullshit bullshit.

SPEAKER_12 1:09:16

So like bullshitting all aside. Let's bring it home. I have a question. Maybe eventually. I have a question though. Did people really not have AC in bathrooms at one point?

SPEAKER_05 1:09:27

I yeah, oh okay. I alright. I'm gonna allow it.

SPEAKER_12 1:09:30

They're like a park, a park bathroom.

SPEAKER_05 1:09:32

I'm gonna allow this one. I thought that was kind of weird too. Everywhere except the bathroom. Why wouldn't you have AC in the in the John?

SPEAKER_11 1:09:38

That would be like the one place. Maybe they just have like a fan that goes out and goes in, maybe. I don't know.

SPEAKER_05 1:09:42

Well, yeah, but all bathrooms have that. I just well, I would hope they do. You're just talking about an exhaust fan.

SPEAKER_11 1:09:48

I just think like your whole house looks nice, but you have a park bathroom. That's like when she said it, it was like, oh, you have a park bathroom.

SPEAKER_05 1:09:56

Maybe that's why they had her taken out.

SPEAKER_11 1:09:58

Which means it's just moist in there. Yeah. So yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:10:03

Alright. Yeah, yeah. So we we're all on the same page. That was kind of weird.

SPEAKER_12 1:10:07

Yeah, that was just a question.

SPEAKER_05 1:10:08

Bullshitting on the back lot. Jason Mews had the entire script memorized before rehearsals. His main inspiration for this was because he didn't, he quote unquote didn't want to piss off that Rickman dude. He was also pulled aside. Megan Abel, you pointed this out earlier. He was also pulled aside by Kevin Smith and was told to be on his best behavior and to bring his A game. Little side note to this Alan Rickman pulled Kevin Smith aside and said that Jay uh Jay Muse was gonna be an American treasure.

SPEAKER_12 1:10:41

Aww, Alan Rickman. I love him.

SPEAKER_05 1:10:45

Terrific actor, way out of Jay Muse's league, and he gives him that awesome compliment. I would love for somebody to give me that compliment.

SPEAKER_12 1:10:54

You you are an American treasure. It doesn't count if it's from your wife, though, does it?

SPEAKER_05 1:11:01

I'm good with it. I'll take it. All right. Uh next one. Alan Rickman enjoyed the maracas he used for his first scene that he held on to them the entire time and drove the casting crew nuts by playing them all the time. Um that's cute. It's kind of adorable. You just see Alan Rickman running around in the background all the time with the mark.

SPEAKER_11 1:11:23

There's a scene, and then they just come up.

SPEAKER_05 1:11:26

Yep. Yes. Cut Alan, enough. All right. Uh, once again, another Alan Rickman. Alan Rickman was asked to play the Metatron after Kevin Smith found out that he was a fan of the film Chasing Amy. Funny little anecdote about Chasing Amy. I had a friend that used to work at Hogan's video, when Hogan's video in town here still existed. Used to make well, only when other people were around, ironically, used to make fun of my rental choices all the time. And chasing Amy was no different. He just thought he just had this great knowledge and opinion and taste in films. So anything I ever rented in there, he always only when other people were around. Because he was one of those friends. If he has an audience, he turns into a different person. He's like, You're renting chasing him? I was like, Yeah, asshole, I'm renting chasing Amy. I'm gonna go home and watch it. Is that alright with you? You ginger-haired fucker.

SPEAKER_11 1:12:28

We grew up my my in Florida. My mom had lived on this road and um old Plaza Gate Lane, and then it was old King's Road, and there was Knights Video, and they had a giant, you know, life-size knight, you know, uniform. What is it? Armor. That's the word I was looking for. Um, sitting outside, and we would go in and rent our movies. I remember that place. And I worked at Hollywood video later on in life. I love that.

SPEAKER_05 1:12:55

I applied at a Hollywood video, the one that used to be over in Moline over there. Didn't get hired. All right, next one.

SPEAKER_12 1:13:03

Sad about that, doesn't he? A little bitter betty over there.

SPEAKER_05 1:13:08

Like 26 years ago. I'm pretty sure I'm over it by now. Uh next one is uh actually it's gonna be the last one because the very last one I have here is the one about George Carlin and his late wife at the time, so we don't need to rehash that. But the last one is apparently Linda Fiorentino was found to be difficult to work with, according to Kevin Smith. At times, not even speaking to him. They reconciled in 2018 after Kevin Smith was recovering from a near fatal heart attack.

SPEAKER_12 1:13:37

Oh man. That's crazy.

SPEAKER_05 1:13:40

Apparently, I guess he said something about how he wished he would uh cash Janine Garofalo in the role. Yeah, I'm kinda glad he didn't either.

SPEAKER_12 1:13:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:13:49

She's alright, but she kind of bad.

SPEAKER_12 1:13:52

Sandra Bullock would have been good in it. Yeah, I don't know.

SPEAKER_05 1:13:57

But Janine Garofalo kind of weirds me out a little bit. Yeah. She always kind of gave me a little bit of the creeps.

SPEAKER_11 1:14:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:14:04

You know.

SPEAKER_11 1:14:05

Uh, I've got some uh on the back lock, on the back lock type.

SPEAKER_05 1:14:10

Oh, you do, huh? Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_11 1:14:14

Yes, prior to signing onto the movie, Alan Rickman only had two questions. Would the angel wings be real and would his dialogue be filmed as written? Yes. Kevin assured him of both, and he signed on.

SPEAKER_02 1:14:27

Excellent.

SPEAKER_11 1:14:28

He really liked the dialogue then, huh? Oh yeah. And he wanted some real angel wings.

SPEAKER_05 1:14:31

He wanted real wings.

SPEAKER_11 1:14:32

This Moroccan playing gay.

SPEAKER_12 1:14:36

I feel like Alan Rickman was a little bit of a fangirl for um Silent Bob.

SPEAKER_05 1:14:42

I mean, maybe.

SPEAKER_12 1:14:43

He's just it just sounds like he was a fan of the Kevin Smith's movies, yeah. Right? Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:14:50

Except for, well, probably not so much Jersey Girl. Yeah. That one was uh yeah, ouch. So he only had one?

SPEAKER_11 1:14:58

No. I'll skip one. Um Alanis Morset was offered the role of Bethany, but couldn't commit a large role due to her world tour at the time. Ooh, that's cool.

SPEAKER_12 1:15:08

I did not know that one.

SPEAKER_11 1:15:09

And then Adam Sandler, also John Travolta and someone else, I think, was offered the role of Asriel, but couldn't due to Big Daddy.

SPEAKER_05 1:15:18

Oh that would have been Sandler, yeah.

SPEAKER_11 1:15:20

Sandler, yeah. But you know, I just I'm so glad that the film happened the way it happened.

SPEAKER_05 1:15:25

You want to know what other role John Travolta was, I don't know, either offered or considered for? Forrest Gump. Oh.

SPEAKER_11 1:15:33

Yeah. Movies just wouldn't have been the same.

SPEAKER_05 1:15:35

Forrest Gump, I love that film. So do I. That's a great movie.

SPEAKER_10 1:15:38

Yeah, that is a great film.

SPEAKER_05 1:15:40

Yeah, people out there that bash it, I don't, I'm I'm not even gonna listen to that.

SPEAKER_10 1:15:44

Who bashes it because what? Uh I don't know. Who yeah, who would bash it?

SPEAKER_05 1:15:50

I like I said, I don't I I don't pay them no money.

SPEAKER_10 1:15:54

Stupid people.

SPEAKER_05 1:15:55

Stupid is a stupid dozen.

SPEAKER_12 1:15:57

Well, stupidity is a stupid dozen.

SPEAKER_05 1:16:00

Um I don't have any questions. Or may all right, maybe one.

SPEAKER_12 1:16:02

One that I didn't call mine on the back lot. I have some fun facts.

SPEAKER_05 1:16:06

Oh, yeah, you've done enough talking.

SPEAKER_12 1:16:09

I'm throwing mine out there because you know, they're pretty good, okay?

SPEAKER_05 1:16:12

No problem. Go ahead.

SPEAKER_12 1:16:14

So muted, fucker. Remember, I can control your CPAP when you're sleeping. Ooh, guys.

SPEAKER_08 1:16:25

Probably edit that out in case anything happens to me.

SPEAKER_05 1:16:29

For that reason, that reason alone, it's staying in there. It is staying in there.

SPEAKER_11 1:16:34

Who are you people?

SPEAKER_12 1:16:35

I don't know. Where am I? I would never ever kill my husband because I need his income to survive.

SPEAKER_11 1:16:43

You have that life insurance plan?

SPEAKER_12 1:16:46

Well, very small one. For now. For now. Um anyway.

SPEAKER_05 1:16:53

Little does she know the only one that the only people that cash in are the kids, if I go. So No. Did I say the quiet part out loud? Oh my god. It's a joke.

SPEAKER_12 1:17:03

I will murder you.

SPEAKER_08 1:17:04

Yeah, we could better.

SPEAKER_05 1:17:05

She just did it again.

SPEAKER_12 1:17:06

Double check that. Can't stay out of trouble, kid. I'll just, I will just plead insanity, okay? Mental health breakdown. Metopause. Menopause. I was like, anyways. Did you know that Ben Affleck and Matt Demon took smaller roles because they loved their the story? Or not smaller roles, smaller salaries because they love the roles so much. Oh no. But that is so Matt and Ben. It is so Matt and Ben. So Matt and Ben. Well, so generate.

SPEAKER_05 1:17:40

Keep in mind it's 99 and their careers were just a little bit on fire at the time.

SPEAKER_12 1:17:44

So yeah, because that was right after Goodwill hunting. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:17:47

So bigger paydays were on the horizon.

SPEAKER_12 1:17:49

Yeah. But that's just so amazing. Speaking of their newest one. And they were like all about the Did you finish it?

SPEAKER_05 1:17:55

Oh, it was good. The rip? Is that what it's called? Oh, I haven't watched it. It's really good. All right, I'll have to check it out. Yeah.

SPEAKER_11 1:18:01

I have a lot of things on my list because I try and wait for my husband, but then I just get disappointed because he's like, Oh yeah, I watch that.

SPEAKER_12 1:18:08

So a couple of other fun things. Um, the uh despite controversy, Kevin Smith is actually a faith, faithful man, which I found really interesting. But um the movie sparked a lot of protests, and he would actually go to those protests and like you know, get along with the crowd and people did he go incognito or no? Yeah, he went incognito. Yeah. Uh-huh. That's good. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:18:34

Yeah, under the alias of Brian Johnson.

SPEAKER_12 1:18:37

Yeah, and he said a TV reporter asked if he'd seen the movie, and he replied, No, but I've heard it's terrible. Which I think is such oh, it was so Kevin.

SPEAKER_05 1:18:50

The the Blu-ray that I bought, it said um, there's that little excerpt that he has at the beginning. It's like back when, and it says back when Kevin Smith made good movies. So I I like how he just makes those little digs at himself, yeah.

SPEAKER_12 1:19:03

That's cool.

SPEAKER_05 1:19:04

And like take yourself too seriously. I never do.

SPEAKER_12 1:19:07

Well, and another thing that I really like about this movie, which is I don't know if it's so much a fun fact, but due to his faith and being Catholic himself, um I just think it's cool that they he brought in some of the actual true stories in the Bible and some from like other religions too. You know, he brought everything together into one story. Um but like, you know, for example, the Metatron isn't mentioned in the Bible, but it is mentioned in Jewish mythological writings. Um and then, you know, like Catholicism teaches that angels have free will, which is why we have Lucifer, because he could rebel against God. Um and then the topic of like, you know, indulgence, it's you know, we talk about overindulging being a sin in Catholicism. And the movie exaggerates this, but suggesting that the church would, you know, forgive sins and let anyone into heaven, and it's just like kind of overdone to a point. How many times have I hit this thing? Can we start a counter?

SPEAKER_05 1:20:17

A lot.

SPEAKER_12 1:20:18

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 1:20:18

No, we're not gonna start a counter. We're at the end of the episode.

SPEAKER_12 1:20:21

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 1:20:22

We're about to wrap this motherhoop.

SPEAKER_12 1:20:24

That that was everything that I had. Okay. But I do have a question for you guys.

SPEAKER_05 1:20:27

What's up?

SPEAKER_12 1:20:29

Because you weren't raised Catholic, but you were. I did go to a Catholic church with my stepmom. Do you have a favorite Bible story or a favorite mythological story?

SPEAKER_05 1:20:39

I don't think I I don't I don't think I do.

SPEAKER_12 1:20:41

Do you?

SPEAKER_11 1:20:43

No, um my mom, you know, I don't really I don't really remember a lot of the stories. Um but I do love uh isn't Revelations when they talk about God's voice and they say it's like many waters, and my mom would always say, like, I think personally it's probably sounding like the waves of the ocean, like so massive. And so I always think that whenever So God speaks to you through the ocean. Uh yeah, sure. All nature, because I well yeah, but no, that's just how I take what you're saying. Well, yeah, but I just think that that's what a voice sounds like, probably. Very simple. And the massiveness. Well, just like, you know, we can't necessarily hear it, but like I would think in a distance.

SPEAKER_02 1:21:29

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:21:30

I say it all the time, and I feel bad for uh not having accomplished this, but I I do want to sit down and read the Bible from beginning to end. I never just like they say in the movie. I'll I'll admit it, I'd I've I've never had.

SPEAKER_11 1:21:46

I never have either. Um uh trying to really remember, I do love Daniel and the Dion a Lion's Den.

SPEAKER_02 1:21:51

Yeah, I think that's a good one.

SPEAKER_11 1:21:52

I do remember that story. I did love that one. Yeah. I used to watch this cartoon um like of Bible stories on TV.

SPEAKER_12 1:22:00

I really liked this one's not my favorite, but Jonah and the whale. I had because I had an obsession as a kid of children being eaten or people being eaten. Because I had no, I have this book. I got it boring at all. No, no, no, no. I got this book at the book fair, and I have no idea what it's called. I swear to God it exists. But it was a book about an old lady who would cook up children, and there was like eight children in this family that all got cooked up. No, it's not Hansel and Gretel. It's Jesus. It's like fanfic of Hansel and Gretel. Oh I'm gonna have to look this up to know it exists. You would probably know it's pretty popular.

SPEAKER_05 1:22:39

Yeah, the Samson and Delilah story is kind of cool.

SPEAKER_12 1:22:42

Yeah, Samson and Delilah.

SPEAKER_05 1:22:44

Guy having incredible strength because of his hair, right?

SPEAKER_12 1:22:47

Yep, yeah. Yeah. I like my favorite story. Stories are usually the ones about women in the Bible, but Sarah, I don't know, do you know the Sarah and Abraham story? So Sarah was barren, and her and her husband tried to have children but couldn't do it. And God came to her one day and said that she will have a son one day, but she needs to be patient because it will happen. And that, you know, God is gonna keep his word to that. And when she was 90 years old, she gave birth to a baby boy named Isaac, and they call Sarah the mother of nations because Isaac then went and sowed his seed, but like the lesson that is taught from that is God keeps his word. He fucked. Isaac went out and fucked.

SPEAKER_02 1:23:36

I did at a boy.

SPEAKER_12 1:23:38

But yeah, but no, I just like the story because it's like it teaches you to be patient that you know God will keep his word, you should keep your word, you know. That I don't know. That's just that's a cool story. It's a cool, you know.

SPEAKER_05 1:23:53

Yeah, it does sound alright. That's all I got.

SPEAKER_12 1:23:56

No more notes from me.

SPEAKER_05 1:23:58

Alright. If this movie were to be remade or rebooted, no. Who would yeah, well, I agree, but please no who would you cast as god? Who would you cast as a god in the end? If you can't get Alanis Morrison.

SPEAKER_12 1:24:12

RuPaul. I'm just kidding. No, it wouldn't be RuPaul.

SPEAKER_05 1:24:16

It'd be kind of funny, but it'd be kind of cool. Sure would sure would be a curveball. Would it be a lot of people would see it coming?

SPEAKER_11 1:24:23

She was uh the wife in the movie Inception. She's like French.

SPEAKER_12 1:24:30

Oh, yeah, I know who you're talking about. She's in a lot of curveballs. Who would you pick? I don't know.

SPEAKER_05 1:24:40

Probably Chuck Norris. Why not, right?

SPEAKER_12 1:24:44

I think if it was to be remade, I feel like there'd be some big, big names in it. So I'd probably say like Leo or Jonah Hill.

SPEAKER_11 1:24:54

I want Zendaya to go and do the Crusade. He needs to be the last scion. Yeah, that would be awesome.

SPEAKER_12 1:25:04

All right. Kevin Smith, are you out there? Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:25:09

Yeah, please don't. We don't want to remake it.

SPEAKER_11 1:25:11

It's perfect to me.

SPEAKER_05 1:25:12

It is. He's a total listener. All right. Manhattan scale. This is on a scale of one to five, is how we determine how many drinks this movie gets. Either a Manhattan, my signature drink, or my guest drink of choice. Megan Abel, you're up first.

SPEAKER_11 1:25:27

Ten. A fucking ten.

SPEAKER_05 1:25:28

No, it's on a one to five. You can't go ten.

SPEAKER_11 1:25:30

Oh, ten. She's this is a take two hands. Two five.

SPEAKER_05 1:25:34

I'm gonna need you to conform a little bit here, okay? We're not trying to get that shit.

SPEAKER_11 1:25:38

Never okay, fine. I tell my son all the time.

SPEAKER_05 1:25:42

Ten what? What are you drinking?

SPEAKER_11 1:25:44

Uh margaritas.

SPEAKER_05 1:25:46

There you go. Fine.

SPEAKER_11 1:25:47

I am a show wasted pants. Are you disappointed that I didn't make you a margarita? I mean, I was kind of looking forward to it. I didn't want to like, when you asked me for something to drink, I was gonna be like, but I was also late, so my daughter swung by and grabbed the grabbed the tequila.

SPEAKER_12 1:26:05

So she wanted to make these Dr. Pepper margaritas for her birthday, and she called me up today and was like, Do you have any tequila? Because everything here at Walmart's way too expensive. And I was like, Yeah, I think I have some tequila. You can just go get it. I don't, it's fine. And then I forgot that I promised you margaritas, and I was like, not gonna bring it up because I was like, I don't want her to be mad. I know. I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_11 1:26:26

I don't have enough air in my lungs to finish this eye.

SPEAKER_05 1:26:30

All right, Megan, how many neutrals is this movie getting?

SPEAKER_12 1:26:33

Uh blueberry neutrals, I'm giving it a five. A five? It's up there with Jurassic Park. Yeah, I really liked this movie. Okay. All right.

SPEAKER_05 1:26:42

Uh this one gets 3.75 Manhattans from me.

SPEAKER_12 1:26:46

That's a good rating for you.

SPEAKER_05 1:26:48

It is. It is a good rating.

SPEAKER_11 1:26:49

I'd have thought you would have done like a four, four point two, something like that.

SPEAKER_05 1:26:56

That was goodfellas are putting my good. I always point to my goodfellas poster. It's the only one that would ever get a five. So far.

SPEAKER_11 1:27:03

Well, I did say four point two, and then you just went spastic about your good fellas. Have you ever seen that? Yes, but I know and I know your love, but I was just that I would have thought you would have like done a four point two on this.

SPEAKER_05 1:27:17

Uh it's I I do really, really, really enjoy this movie. I do. I think uh it was at first a three, but I upgraded it to a three point seven five.

SPEAKER_11 1:27:27

So I just love his whole writing of it. How the dialogue between everybody, this the script, everything. Yep, the choices.

SPEAKER_05 1:27:36

I don't know if this movie holds up, but I still enjoy it.

SPEAKER_11 1:27:40

Yeah, I think it does. You think so? I think it does.

SPEAKER_12 1:27:42

Yeah, I think it does too.

SPEAKER_11 1:27:44

Okay. I I think it explained a lot of aspects in religion that really, really well and made you think a little outside the box. Um, you know, uh, what was it? When when uh he was saying that God had a good idea and everybody decided to make it their belief, and they built this whole structure around this belief, and she said, Is belief like is a belief bad? And he said, No, um, but you can change an idea, you can't change a belief, and people kill over beliefs and they start war over beliefs. They do. So yeah, so at the end, you know, when she said he says, Oh, you believe, and she says, No, I think it's a good idea.

SPEAKER_05 1:28:21

I think it's yeah, yeah. I think it's a good idea, or I've got a good idea. I can't remember what she said verbatim, but but it's a good idea. Yeah, yeah. I I really do enjoy this movie a lot. And I'm so glad we did this episode.

SPEAKER_12 1:28:35

Now, before we wrap this up, and you two have anything else you want to add, get it out now because Snoop to the motherfucking noob to the motherfucking in the world of things that did not need to happen.

SPEAKER_02 1:28:55

There's this right there.

SPEAKER_05 1:28:57

Anyway, you edible really kicked in there. Anyway, you glorious Mickhead.

SPEAKER_12 1:29:02

Don't blame it on the weed. Sorry. Oh, he is gonna kill us. He's gonna just at the end of this when the can't when you melt it up.

SPEAKER_05 1:29:12

Well, you glorious Mickheads, it is unfortunately that time. It is the that's a wrap portion of this podcast where we say goodbye for now and close down production for the time being. Your mics are hot again, just so you know. As always, I want to thank you all so much for listening. You can listen to the Cinematic Mick Podcast on Spotify, iHeartRadio, and Apple Podcasts. Also, feel free to email us and any fan mail or episode suggestions at the cinematicmicgmail.com. Excuse me, at the cinematicmick at gmail.com or by clicking the send us fan mail link in the show notes. Last but certainly not least, I have to thank my amazing co-host Megan for everything she does to make this show better. She does a hell of a lot more than she even realizes.

SPEAKER_11 1:29:59

Thanks, guys.

SPEAKER_05 1:30:00

I also want to thank my lovely wife Megan for being high as book on this episode and talking a shit ton, which she totally did. Now you just see more loops, which is a good thing.

SPEAKER_11 1:30:11

I am loose as a goose right now. We were touching on Catholicism, which is a big conversation, I think. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:30:17

So uh anyway. So, with all that being said, unless the Megans have anything they want to add here at the very end.

SPEAKER_12 1:30:24

Yeah, snooch to the motherfucking Hey, you got it right. Nooch Oh, see, I thought they said noob.

SPEAKER_05 1:30:32

Nooch. Guess there's only one thing left to say. Two things left to say.

SPEAKER_12 1:30:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:30:39

Good night, everybody.